Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Long Overdue

It has been a while since I have posted...and so much has happened over the last several months but I have forgotten what I should write about at this moment. So there really is no telling what I will write about right now. I have had a very life-changing week. My granny has been ill and we thought we were going to lose her. Actually, I thought we were going to lose her because she got very sick when I stayed with her one night at the hospital. All I could do was pray. Those are the sweetest times in life when you know that Jesus is listening to your prayer. If things didn't turn out how I prayed for them then He still was listening to me!! I have never had anyone close to me pass on so it has been exceptionally hard on me. Thank the Lord she is still here and fighting as she normally does. I have really embraced the fact that life is so short. Nothing else seems to matter except our loved ones. It is imperative that I love everyone and I wish to do so...this is going to be quite a task. However, we are commanded to love the Lord with all of our heart, soul, and mind, and then to love others as our self!

It always seems that when I make great strides in personal areas that I long to improve on...that I take a few steps backwards in areas of my life that I have down to a science. Sometimes we act in ways we shouldn't when we know that those actions are not who we are as a person. I do not like to have anyone upset at me. Then there are times when I know that someone has done me wrong then I do not mind if they are upset at me at all. They are in the wrong. So many times I always want to take the blame, but it doesn't always lie with me. It may not be my problem...it just might be theirs!!

One of the greatest things that I love about myself in my adult life is that I can look at a situation and say, "You know what? That just doesn't work for me." and then move on!! Life is too short to take on someone else's problems or issues. You can only do so much to help someone. So many people want to be in the limelight or the center of everybody else's world. I'll just take being at the center of my own world, thank you! :)

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

With Friends Like These...

Friendships come in all manners. Some are old friends. Some new. Some work. Some are your neighbors. And some just don't need to be even considered as a friend. It's a difficult task to have two or more people in a group and expect them to understand each other and truly think the best of the other person. It's also tedious to get them to understand why you feel the way you do about certain things. This is where genuine love and concern for the other person comes into play. You have to put yourself in the other person's shoe and try to empathize with where they are coming from and how they are reacting.

However, it is difficult for me to understand how some friends only want friendship on their terms. They want to do things for you when they are ready. They want to hang out when they are ready. They expect you to listen to them vent and clear their mind when they are ready. It's really quite exasperating. There is no two way street. The crazy thing is that I don't mind listening to people vent. I don't mind doing anything that any friend asks me to do! I welcome it. I love my friends and want to do anything for them. But, when the role is reversed and that person can never hang out with you, never have a minute to chat, or never reciprocate the friendship, that is what trips me up. And yet, that person always seems to have time for everybody else. As I'm writing this, the answer is obvious. However, it is really hard for me to just give up on a friendship. I thrive on them. Some people are loners, I am very social. I like to be around people. And there are certain people that I love to be around. They make me stronger, make me laugh, or just help me to relax. I realize that this kinda sounds selfish. I love being with my friends because of who they are. It's not all about me. After reading The Five Love Languages by Gary Smalley, I suppose my love language is quality time. If I don't recieve that then I don't feel loved. And maybe that is not someone else's love language and they could be showing their friendship through another way. I'm not sure. Maybe I should read the book again and try to figure out others love languages and show my appreciation for them instead of being upset. The best way to get over how you are feeling is to do something for someone else. This is not the first time I have felt like this so maybe the problem is me. Maybe, I do feel unloved because my basic love language is not being met. But then again, some obvious gestures on the behalf of another person just cannot be ignored. The facts are there and I need to face them. I can't be friends with everybody and I need to stop trying.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

The Wrong Boy, The Wrong Situation

We all think we are perfect. Well, not perfect but to some extent always right. I, however, do try to combat against this feeling. If I am wrong I want to know. At least in the right manner. If you come to me with a better than thou attitude than most assuredly my feathers will get ruffled. On the flip side, if you come to me with the attitude of truly trying to help me than I am all ears. Maybe most people are like that. I can't be sure.

Of course, I have a story. The parties that are involved most likely don't read my blog so I am glad to relay the story to those who do. I am writing this simply for the fact that I found out that I was "blogged" about today. That didn't make me feel too great. Fortunately, I have a different outlook on life than I did 10 years ago. Or even 5 years ago. My first instinct would have been to pitch a fit and "let that person have it." The "new" me is much calmer. I, for the most part, try to think of things rationally. (even though I did "unfollow" him on Twitter.) There is a reason for every situation and I need to remember that. Also, I think that I know this person well enough that he wasn't trying to be mean or spiteful. Even though the blog had some pretty harsh blows. But he is my bff at work. This is what made me more upset.

There was a situation at work. My feelings (women and their feelings!!) got hurt and he was mad. He felt that I smarted off to him (I was just direct) and he came and snatched something from me. This took me by surprise. I had never seen this side of him before and I could tell he was upset. But he was making a point. And that, I must say, was totally HOTT! So we had a discussion about it and I thought it was over. Then BAMM!!! Here comes the blog. Needless to say, we had another discussion! It was almost as if I couldn't get him to see why I had been upset. He even thought I made a status update about him on FB. Maybe I don't let my anger show enough. I think that is a good and a bad thing. The "old"me got mad at the drop of a hat and spouted off the first thing that came to my mind. The "new " me lets it build up inside of me till I spew ugliness. That is not cool. I want to fight fair. Actually, I don't want to fight at all. But there has to be a medium to which I can convey my feelings in a healthy way.

So that's it...I won't be reading his blogs for a while. Even though, I think he understands where I am coming from now. And I from him. He vents through blogs, and I vent to people. Friendships are great because they make you see how much you have to learn. And how much you have to write about.

A Friend Can Tell You Things You Don't Want to Tell Yourself- Frances Ward Weller

Tuesday, February 2, 2010


B.F.F. The term that was made popular by The Hills and L.C. is kinda funny to say. Now it's just a habit. I have been fortunate to have a few B.F.F.'s. I have also been unfortunate to lose some. Not necessarily by means of a falling out but just because some people grow apart. It's really quite sad. Almost as bad as a breakup. I will pass on both.

When I was in 4th grade, I had my first B.F.F. B. J. Meyers. She was in my class and she lived down the road from me. I spent the night with her and we hung out all the time. We talked about our crushes, our teachers, and rode our bikes like crazy. We rode every trail that could be found. Then her dad had to move because of his job. It was pretty devastating. I got her address but we never really kept in touch. I still have some of our letters that we used to pass to each other in class.

Soon after that, I found another best friend. Now we were close. But my dad dated her mom so we kinda had to be.

In middle school and high school, I had several "best friends." I was fortunate to have good friends at school and in church. One of my best friends was a guy. He would do anything in the world for me. Yes, we liked each other for several years, but to this day I would consider him to be one of the very best friends that I have ever had. And I hope that he would say the same about me. I loved his family and he loved mine. My girlfriends were great too. In high school, I had the best time. We had a close knit group of friends and there were always good times. There were some bad times, too. Boyfriends being "stolen", dirty looks being given, breakups, drama, and anything in the life of a teenager that might could be possible.

In my adult life, I have several best friends as well. A lot of these friends are ones that I was friends with from younger days. I have added a few along the way! :) However, it is so sad to me that when you spend some of the best times with people and love them with all of your heart that they let someone or something come in between those relationships. Some women feel that it is imperative that they need a man, boyfriend, and husband to complete their world. They would just about sell their soul to have a mate. This I do not have patience for. It is also a tragedy when they let a mate's ideas, motives, and actions change who they are as a person. I believe that a boyfriend or husband should not dominate how the woman feels. I see it everyday at work. Women cannot make simple decisions about phones unless they consult with their husband. They simply cannot make a decision on their own. They want to know what their husband thinks about the phone or if he will "let" them get another one. Now, I may be a little too independent but noone is going to "let" me get a phone. Give me a break. Anyway, back to the subject. I just wish that women could see how much they let a man change who they are as a person and realize that some day that man may not be there. Girlfriends will always be there to pick up the pieces. I just hope the woman hasn't pushed her gf's so far away that they still have some left.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

A New Post

Well, it has been a little while since I have posted anything. Still not even sure that more than a handful even read this. I guess it doesn't really matter who reads it but it really is therapeutic to me. So I thought I would write a quick little paragraph or two before I run off to the gym. I have been trying really hard to eat right and go everyday. I am going on vacation next week so I am trying to get in shape. I can't wait. It is so cold right now and all I want to do is lay by the pool. That is EXACTLY what I plan on doing! I am going to the Virgin Islands. I checked the temp and right now it is 82 degrees down there!! agghh!! love it!

I was looking on facebook today and saw a girl that I knew from several years ago with her now college friends. It made me miss the days of living in a dorm and having tons of friends all the time. There was always something to do, a date to go on , or friends to just hang around and talk to. I really miss those days ALOT!! (well some of them) If I think about it too long it will just really depress me. Then I have to bring myself to reality and think that one day I will look back on TODAY and feel the same way! I have to make the best of today and not wish I were back where I used to be or even where I will be in the future. Life is so short and it is meant to be lived for the moment. If there is something in my life that I am not happy with then I need to take the steps to get where I need to be. That is hard to do when you are comfortable. I was thinking about talking to a friend about this same thing. We just haven't gotten around to the conversation. Every thing in life is for a purpose. What is the purpose of my being in this position right now? What can I learn from this? Sometimes it is hard to see when you are not in the position that you want to be.

Last night, I watched the movie "500 Days of Summer". The best movie!! Such a chick Flick! I think I am going to watch it again tonight!! Please watch it! I don't want to talk about it unless someone decides to watch it and then I have given the whole thing away!

I was talking to a friend the other day. I haven't spoken to her in a few years. We just kind of lost touch. I feel like she is my baby. I watched her grow, dealt with her temper tantrums, and loved on her all the time. She is part of my heart. The saddest part is that when you have mutual friends that you no longer talk to and that person was the reason she is a friend in the first place. ok really the saddest part is when your baby girl says that she wishes you were back together with that person. I can't imagine how divorce must feel like. I can't imagine being married to a person, having a child, and then being distant from the father. It seems so sad. Definetely not what it is supposed to be like. It makes you wonder if a lot of people feel the same way she does about this situation. I think so. It can be very confusing if you put a lot of thought into it. I mean, what if that person makes the wrong decision then you are the one who is left to find the right path, even though you are pretty confident you are on the right one? I am not just talking about relationships either. I mean what if someone didn't choose you for a promotion and you just knew you were supposed to get that job. You knew you would have been perfect for it. Or what if you were meant to be in that car accident but you stayed to talk to a friend just a few seconds longer? Your choice changed the course of action. It all can be very confusing but I believe that if you have faith it is not very confusing at all. Well, maybe not about the relationship part! What if I broke up with the wrong person? What if we were meant to be together and I sent him packing? I have changed the whole course. I have sent him away to find someone else and "settle". Or what if a guy that asks me out, doesn't even get a second look from me? What if that is the good guy that I am missing out on! What if a guy that has broken up with me missed out on the best relationship and unfortunately he is dealing with the consequences? Well, that is EXACTLY what happened! So good luck to him. He's going to need it! And I am left with a GREAT friend and a GREAT life!!

I can't wait for my vacation!!! I'll post pics!!