Wednesday, May 5, 2010

With Friends Like These...

Friendships come in all manners. Some are old friends. Some new. Some work. Some are your neighbors. And some just don't need to be even considered as a friend. It's a difficult task to have two or more people in a group and expect them to understand each other and truly think the best of the other person. It's also tedious to get them to understand why you feel the way you do about certain things. This is where genuine love and concern for the other person comes into play. You have to put yourself in the other person's shoe and try to empathize with where they are coming from and how they are reacting.

However, it is difficult for me to understand how some friends only want friendship on their terms. They want to do things for you when they are ready. They want to hang out when they are ready. They expect you to listen to them vent and clear their mind when they are ready. It's really quite exasperating. There is no two way street. The crazy thing is that I don't mind listening to people vent. I don't mind doing anything that any friend asks me to do! I welcome it. I love my friends and want to do anything for them. But, when the role is reversed and that person can never hang out with you, never have a minute to chat, or never reciprocate the friendship, that is what trips me up. And yet, that person always seems to have time for everybody else. As I'm writing this, the answer is obvious. However, it is really hard for me to just give up on a friendship. I thrive on them. Some people are loners, I am very social. I like to be around people. And there are certain people that I love to be around. They make me stronger, make me laugh, or just help me to relax. I realize that this kinda sounds selfish. I love being with my friends because of who they are. It's not all about me. After reading The Five Love Languages by Gary Smalley, I suppose my love language is quality time. If I don't recieve that then I don't feel loved. And maybe that is not someone else's love language and they could be showing their friendship through another way. I'm not sure. Maybe I should read the book again and try to figure out others love languages and show my appreciation for them instead of being upset. The best way to get over how you are feeling is to do something for someone else. This is not the first time I have felt like this so maybe the problem is me. Maybe, I do feel unloved because my basic love language is not being met. But then again, some obvious gestures on the behalf of another person just cannot be ignored. The facts are there and I need to face them. I can't be friends with everybody and I need to stop trying.