Friday, October 7, 2011
Sometimes It Lasts in Love But Sometimes It Hurts Instead
A lot of people always say that "a year ago they wouldn't have seen themselves here" or "5 years ago I never thought I would be doing what I am doing today." Personally, I have never thought that at least not that I remember. Today, as I was driving back from getting my nails done, I thought that very thing. A year ago today I was with my Grandma in Atlanta. She had just had her colon removed and we were about to be discharged back to Albany. Why an 87 year old woman was being discharged ( 3 hrs away) just a few days after her operation is beyond me and also quite sad regarding our health care industry. Supposedly the doctor did not know that she didn't live in the Atlanta area. How terrible as a doctor to actually admit that to a family. So this surgery started a long line of several problems for her. Little did we know that in less than a year she would be gone. She was someone that everyone loved and she made everyone feel so special. When she moved to her assisted living she was the life of the party. She used to always laugh and say these people were too old for her. I would love to go visit and we would just sit and listen to music or watch "The Bachelor" or "American Idol." She loved that show. But she also loved to watch "One Tree Hill" with me! That woman did everything! Mostly though we just sat around and talked about everything. She always loved to hear about my love life and which guys were calling me at that time. She was always asking about dates I had gone on or listening to me talk about my broken heart. I would listen to her tell me about what was going on there at the assisted living and she would give me the gossip (trust me there's a LOT of gossip at these places! ) Even now, I can still hear things that she would say and I just die laughing. She had a few favorite quotes and she would say them all the time. She was the belle of every ball. I miss her so much. She taught me so much in just a few short years. I wish that I had spent more time with her growing up. In just a few short years, she gave me enough advice to last the rest of my life. I still can't believe she's gone. Even now as I'm crying, I can hear her say "That's life. We live and we die. It's nothing to be sad or upset about." Her birthday was on the 4th of October. She would have been 88 years old. We were talking about taking a trip for her birthday! I really wish we could have taken that trip.
So here we are a year later. She has passed and I have moved to Italy. If I wasn't living it myself I would think it was unfathomable. I feel so sorry that she is not here to listen to my stories. Not just because I have someone to tell them to but because she would truly want to know about everything. She would be so proud of me and be so excited to tell everyone that I moved to Europe. I can just hear her asking all about the fashion cause the Good Lord knows she loved clothes! So I am here missing her alot! This week has been very sad for me because of her birthday but instead of me continuing to be sad I am going to do something different. I am going to be happy. Happy that I had the chance to love her while she was here. Happy to have experienced her wonderful spirit that this world has never seen before and will never see after. I am going to be happy that I have the chance to emulate her life and to try to encourage others they way she did. The best legacy you can leave someone is your life and only hope that you have impacted their life in some way. She has impacted so many lives and I can only hope for the same.