Sometimes It Lasts in Love But Sometimes It Hurts Instead

A lot of people always say that "a year ago they wouldn't have seen themselves here" or "5 years ago I never thought I would be doing what I am doing today." Personally, I have never thought that at least not that I remember. Today, as I was driving back from getting my nails done, I thought that very thing. A year ago today I was with my Grandma in Atlanta. She had just had her colon removed and we were about to be discharged back to Albany. Why an 87 year old woman was being discharged ( 3 hrs away) just a few days after her operation is beyond me and also quite sad regarding our health care industry. Supposedly the doctor did not know that she didn't live in the Atlanta area. How terrible as a doctor to actually admit that to a family. So this surgery started a long line of several problems for her. Little did we know that in less than a year she would be gone. She was someone that everyone loved and she made everyone feel so special. When she moved to her assisted living she was the life of the party. She used to always laugh and say these people were too old for her. I would love to go visit and we would just sit and listen to music or watch "The Bachelor" or "American Idol." She loved that show. But she also loved to watch "One Tree Hill" with me! That woman did everything! Mostly though we just sat around and talked about everything. She always loved to hear about my love life and which guys were calling me at that time. She was always asking about dates I had gone on or listening to me talk about my broken heart. I would listen to her tell me about what was going on there at the assisted living and she would give me the gossip (trust me there's a LOT of gossip at these places! ) Even now, I can still hear things that she would say and I just die laughing. She had a few favorite quotes and she would say them all the time. She was the belle of every ball. I miss her so much. She taught me so much in just a few short years. I wish that I had spent more time with her growing up. In just a few short years, she gave me enough advice to last the rest of my life. I still can't believe she's gone. Even now as I'm crying, I can hear her say "That's life. We live and we die. It's nothing to be sad or upset about." Her birthday was on the 4th of October. She would have been 88 years old. We were talking about taking a trip for her birthday! I really wish we could have taken that trip.

So here we are a year later. She has passed and I have moved to Italy. If I wasn't living it myself I would think it was unfathomable. I feel so sorry that she is not here to listen to my stories. Not just because I have someone to tell them to but because she would truly want to know about everything. She would be so proud of me and be so excited to tell everyone that I moved to Europe. I can just hear her asking all about the fashion cause the Good Lord knows she loved clothes! So I am here missing her alot! This week has been very sad for me because of her birthday but instead of me continuing to be sad I am going to do something different. I am going to be happy. Happy that I had the chance to love her while she was here. Happy to have experienced her wonderful spirit that this world has never seen before and will never see after. I am going to be happy that I have the chance to emulate her life and to try to encourage others they way she did. The best legacy you can leave someone is your life and only hope that you have impacted their life in some way. She has impacted so many lives and I can only hope for the same.

First Week as an Immigrant!

Well, I have just had my first week as a full-fledged occupant of a foreign country. The first picture is the view from the house that I live in in Italy! Awesome! I have to be honest. It's definitely not as glamorous as it sounds. I didn't realize the culture shock that would ensue after that horrible airport situation(s)...First I need to mention the plane ride!! I flew standby and was scheduled to fly to Venice on a Sunday. My flight had already been delayed one day and then it was delayed again! So on Monday, September 5th, I was supposed to be spending it in Italy. Instead, I spent it in a smelly hotel room. Thankfully, the guy in front of me at the check in desk asked me to dinner and I had some delicious pancakes seasoned with intelligent conversation. I finally flew into Rome the next day. They had to re-route my flight and my luggage was supposed to re-route with me. Of course, you can imagine it did not. (Have I mentioned how much luggage I have for the next year out of the U.S.!?) So I spent an hour in the Rome airport trying to track down my suitcases. I then took a train to Verona where a very sweet non-English speaking man picked me up from the airport. He drove me to Venice to pick up my bags. Upon retrieval, I noticed that the large front pocket was broken and torn. Now inside that pocket happened to hold most of my shoes (some of which I have just recently purchased) along with a few outfits. The people in Venice did not seem to care (and they also closed early) so off I go back towards"home". After all my emails and phone calls I still don't have a resolution for the lost items.
I arrive at the house where I will be staying and I am there for a few days at first by myself. That was definetly needed because all I did was sleep. Then Tatiana (the mom) came home from her business trip and drove me around and showed me some different places in Verona. We took a trip to the fish market as well as the grocery store. That was definitely an adventure! I have never seen so much fish in my life! The next day was a Sunday and Alessandro came home from spending the weekend with his father. That little boy is precious. He just looks up at you with his blonde hair and big eyes and starts speaking in another language. It is seriously the cutest thing ever! I have spent the last week running errands and getting situated. I still have not unpacked all my things. I have been so busy! I had to take driving lessons this week because I do not know how to drive a stick shift. That in itself was shameful! I am soo glad that I have taken them though because this traffic is unreal! They are so so aggressive and they have different rules than they do in the states. I can honestly say that I can drive a manual car really good now! They are so much fun! Today was the first day I went to the grocery store by myself. I needed some items. One of the things that I needed was lotion. I picked up the lotion and other items and then ate at this little ristorante and ate some pizza! When I got home I put the lotion all over my body and then realized that if felt a little thicker than normal! I decided to get my italian dictionary out and realized I had just put shower gel all over me!! What a disaster! It sucks not knowing the language!! haha
They do so many things differently...even just in the way they recycle and pick up garbage. I have had to put a lot in this brain over the last week. I have so much to say but I suppose I can wait till the next post! I have had a long first week so I am sure once I get the hang of everything that it will be beyond amazing!!!!

Long Overdue

It has been a while since I have posted...and so much has happened over the last several months but I have forgotten what I should write about at this moment. So there really is no telling what I will write about right now. I have had a very life-changing week. My granny has been ill and we thought we were going to lose her. Actually, I thought we were going to lose her because she got very sick when I stayed with her one night at the hospital. All I could do was pray. Those are the sweetest times in life when you know that Jesus is listening to your prayer. If things didn't turn out how I prayed for them then He still was listening to me!! I have never had anyone close to me pass on so it has been exceptionally hard on me. Thank the Lord she is still here and fighting as she normally does. I have really embraced the fact that life is so short. Nothing else seems to matter except our loved ones. It is imperative that I love everyone and I wish to do so...this is going to be quite a task. However, we are commanded to love the Lord with all of our heart, soul, and mind, and then to love others as our self!

It always seems that when I make great strides in personal areas that I long to improve on...that I take a few steps backwards in areas of my life that I have down to a science. Sometimes we act in ways we shouldn't when we know that those actions are not who we are as a person. I do not like to have anyone upset at me. Then there are times when I know that someone has done me wrong then I do not mind if they are upset at me at all. They are in the wrong. So many times I always want to take the blame, but it doesn't always lie with me. It may not be my problem...it just might be theirs!!

One of the greatest things that I love about myself in my adult life is that I can look at a situation and say, "You know what? That just doesn't work for me." and then move on!! Life is too short to take on someone else's problems or issues. You can only do so much to help someone. So many people want to be in the limelight or the center of everybody else's world. I'll just take being at the center of my own world, thank you! :)

With Friends Like These...

Friendships come in all manners. Some are old friends. Some new. Some work. Some are your neighbors. And some just don't need to be even considered as a friend. It's a difficult task to have two or more people in a group and expect them to understand each other and truly think the best of the other person. It's also tedious to get them to understand why you feel the way you do about certain things. This is where genuine love and concern for the other person comes into play. You have to put yourself in the other person's shoe and try to empathize with where they are coming from and how they are reacting.

However, it is difficult for me to understand how some friends only want friendship on their terms. They want to do things for you when they are ready. They want to hang out when they are ready. They expect you to listen to them vent and clear their mind when they are ready. It's really quite exasperating. There is no two way street. The crazy thing is that I don't mind listening to people vent. I don't mind doing anything that any friend asks me to do! I welcome it. I love my friends and want to do anything for them. But, when the role is reversed and that person can never hang out with you, never have a minute to chat, or never reciprocate the friendship, that is what trips me up. And yet, that person always seems to have time for everybody else. As I'm writing this, the answer is obvious. However, it is really hard for me to just give up on a friendship. I thrive on them. Some people are loners, I am very social. I like to be around people. And there are certain people that I love to be around. They make me stronger, make me laugh, or just help me to relax. I realize that this kinda sounds selfish. I love being with my friends because of who they are. It's not all about me. After reading The Five Love Languages by Gary Smalley, I suppose my love language is quality time. If I don't recieve that then I don't feel loved. And maybe that is not someone else's love language and they could be showing their friendship through another way. I'm not sure. Maybe I should read the book again and try to figure out others love languages and show my appreciation for them instead of being upset. The best way to get over how you are feeling is to do something for someone else. This is not the first time I have felt like this so maybe the problem is me. Maybe, I do feel unloved because my basic love language is not being met. But then again, some obvious gestures on the behalf of another person just cannot be ignored. The facts are there and I need to face them. I can't be friends with everybody and I need to stop trying.

Some Pics from St. Thomas

The Wrong Boy, The Wrong Situation

We all think we are perfect. Well, not perfect but to some extent always right. I, however, do try to combat against this feeling. If I am wrong I want to know. At least in the right manner. If you come to me with a better than thou attitude than most assuredly my feathers will get ruffled. On the flip side, if you come to me with the attitude of truly trying to help me than I am all ears. Maybe most people are like that. I can't be sure.

Of course, I have a story. The parties that are involved most likely don't read my blog so I am glad to relay the story to those who do. I am writing this simply for the fact that I found out that I was "blogged" about today. That didn't make me feel too great. Fortunately, I have a different outlook on life than I did 10 years ago. Or even 5 years ago. My first instinct would have been to pitch a fit and "let that person have it." The "new" me is much calmer. I, for the most part, try to think of things rationally. (even though I did "unfollow" him on Twitter.) There is a reason for every situation and I need to remember that. Also, I think that I know this person well enough that he wasn't trying to be mean or spiteful. Even though the blog had some pretty harsh blows. But he is my bff at work. This is what made me more upset.

There was a situation at work. My feelings (women and their feelings!!) got hurt and he was mad. He felt that I smarted off to him (I was just direct) and he came and snatched something from me. This took me by surprise. I had never seen this side of him before and I could tell he was upset. But he was making a point. And that, I must say, was totally HOTT! So we had a discussion about it and I thought it was over. Then BAMM!!! Here comes the blog. Needless to say, we had another discussion! It was almost as if I couldn't get him to see why I had been upset. He even thought I made a status update about him on FB. Maybe I don't let my anger show enough. I think that is a good and a bad thing. The "old"me got mad at the drop of a hat and spouted off the first thing that came to my mind. The "new " me lets it build up inside of me till I spew ugliness. That is not cool. I want to fight fair. Actually, I don't want to fight at all. But there has to be a medium to which I can convey my feelings in a healthy way.


So that's it...I won't be reading his blogs for a while. Even though, I think he understands where I am coming from now. And I from him. He vents through blogs, and I vent to people. Friendships are great because they make you see how much you have to learn. And how much you have to write about.




A Friend Can Tell You Things You Don't Want to Tell Yourself- Frances Ward Weller

B.F.F.

B.F.F. The term that was made popular by The Hills and L.C. is kinda funny to say. Now it's just a habit. I have been fortunate to have a few B.F.F.'s. I have also been unfortunate to lose some. Not necessarily by means of a falling out but just because some people grow apart. It's really quite sad. Almost as bad as a breakup. I will pass on both.

When I was in 4th grade, I had my first B.F.F. B. J. Meyers. She was in my class and she lived down the road from me. I spent the night with her and we hung out all the time. We talked about our crushes, our teachers, and rode our bikes like crazy. We rode every trail that could be found. Then her dad had to move because of his job. It was pretty devastating. I got her address but we never really kept in touch. I still have some of our letters that we used to pass to each other in class.

Soon after that, I found another best friend. Now we were close. But my dad dated her mom so we kinda had to be.

In middle school and high school, I had several "best friends." I was fortunate to have good friends at school and in church. One of my best friends was a guy. He would do anything in the world for me. Yes, we liked each other for several years, but to this day I would consider him to be one of the very best friends that I have ever had. And I hope that he would say the same about me. I loved his family and he loved mine. My girlfriends were great too. In high school, I had the best time. We had a close knit group of friends and there were always good times. There were some bad times, too. Boyfriends being "stolen", dirty looks being given, breakups, drama, and anything in the life of a teenager that might could be possible.

In my adult life, I have several best friends as well. A lot of these friends are ones that I was friends with from younger days. I have added a few along the way! :) However, it is so sad to me that when you spend some of the best times with people and love them with all of your heart that they let someone or something come in between those relationships. Some women feel that it is imperative that they need a man, boyfriend, and husband to complete their world. They would just about sell their soul to have a mate. This I do not have patience for. It is also a tragedy when they let a mate's ideas, motives, and actions change who they are as a person. I believe that a boyfriend or husband should not dominate how the woman feels. I see it everyday at work. Women cannot make simple decisions about phones unless they consult with their husband. They simply cannot make a decision on their own. They want to know what their husband thinks about the phone or if he will "let" them get another one. Now, I may be a little too independent but noone is going to "let" me get a phone. Give me a break. Anyway, back to the subject. I just wish that women could see how much they let a man change who they are as a person and realize that some day that man may not be there. Girlfriends will always be there to pick up the pieces. I just hope the woman hasn't pushed her gf's so far away that they still have some left.